This blog post discusses silent treatment, its reasons, and how to respond.
What is silent treatment?
The Oxford Languages Dictionary defines silent treatment as “a stubborn refusal to talk to someone, especially after a recent argument or disagreement.”
In other words, this occurs when your partner, family member, friend, or coworker chooses not to speak to you after a disagreement. This decision to remain silent can be intentional or unintentional, indicating their unhappiness with you. Regardless, it affects the quality and health of your relationship with that person. You feel hurt, ignored, and confused about what is happening.
Why give someone the silent treatment?
This unhelpful behavior serves several purposes. Initially, it may seem like a cooling-off period following an argument. At this stage, the silent treatment might appear rational, curbing escalating tension between you and the other person.
Conversely, prolonged silent treatment can become abusive, especially when used to control, punish, manipulate, or gaslight another person. If you're not careful, you might respond by ignoring the other person to express your displeasure instead of trying to resolve the conflict.
Of course, the person using silent treatment may believe it’s an effective conflict resolution strategy. However, being unaware of the confusion and misunderstandings it creates in the relationship, they remain oblivious to the stress and strain their silence places on the other person, let alone their relationship.
How to respond to silent treatment
When frustration arises, the instinctive reaction may be to yell at the other person, often without realizing that yelling achieves the opposite of your desired outcome. Remember, "stubborn” is part of the definition of silent treatment. Therefore, your response should not give them additional reasons to rationalize or justify their silence.
If you know the person, pay close attention to how they use silence or whether it's their preferred method for handling conflicts.
It may or may not be ironic, but communication is the antidote to silent treatment. It is best to begin with a gentle approach as you would when communicating assertively.
First, start the conversation with an “I” statement, conveying that you are speaking from your perspective and not suggesting that the other person is to blame for the conflict.
Second, describe the situation rather than point a finger at the other person.
Third, be concise about what you need from the other person.
Fourth, it is crucial to be polite and not demand anything from them.
Fifth, acknowledge the person for listening to you without criticizing them.
Let's put the response together.
I feel hurt when you shut me out with silent treatment after a disagreement. I need your input to resolve the conflict. I would appreciate it if we could work together on a resolution. Thank you for listening to me, and I look forward to collaborating with you.
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog.
Empowering Minds. Inspiring Lives.
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